so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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