I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
