During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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