last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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