he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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