Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize