shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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