if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
