And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
