I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
