I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize