In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
