i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
