Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
