A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Even my vagina gasped.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
