oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Randomize
