sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Watching her eat just hurts me
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
