Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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