If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
