I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
