So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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