She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
