Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
