it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
