Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
