I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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