Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
