Got a toothbrush?
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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