sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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