So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
