god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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