We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
