Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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