You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
