You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
