GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
