Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
