4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
