the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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