is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
