How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize