My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
