I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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