first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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