she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
