I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
worst night to have a conscience
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
