i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
