I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
