Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize