i just wanna soil my oats bro
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
