bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
