The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
