the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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