First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
