I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize