I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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