When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
