Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
