What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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