How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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