Apparently you make a good broom.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize