idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
