So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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