No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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