Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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