The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
