windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You made out with two different species that night
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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