shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
