I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
