Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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