somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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