She's JV to your varsity
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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