i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
