is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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