You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
