When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize